I am often asked why I think there seems to be an increase in childhood mental illness, behavioural problems and neurological conditions. I usually answer that there are many different reasons, from the food we eat to the over prescribed medicines and antibiotics which impact gut health. However, a large factor seems to be the child's life in their early years, in particular the first three years which are crucial in brain development and creating neurological pathways.
When I'm not working, I am learning. I think as a teacher, you need to have a passion for learning too. Everything I learn about is to help me in my field of work which is to empower children, teenagers and myself to be our greatest selves, and to teach young people how to look after their health, in particular mental health.
One of my favourite teachers at the moment is Dr Gabor Maté who has done a lot of research into addiction and trauma. As many of us know, a lot of an adult's problems stem from their upbringing. Today, it seems even harder to protect our children from developing mental health issues with the rise of devices and the often toxic culture children are subjected too. Even if you are the best intentioned parent out there, there will be times when you've handed over a device to entertain your little one for a minute. So what can we do to help our future generation thrive and become their best selves? Below, I have summarised what I have learnt.
1) Consciously, try to make the first three years of a child's life as stress free as possible. For this to happen it is important the mum's mental health and wellbeing is being looked after. The mother should be working on her own traumas and her relationship with her partner or husband. Ideally, a lot of this inner work would have been done before having children, however this is not always the case. Children are little sponges and very sensitive to energy. The calmer and happier Mum is, the calmer and happier the child will be.
2) Understand that a child's primary need is to feel unconditional love and acceptance in the context of a secure relationship where the child doesn't have to work for the love. If a parent does nothing else but demonstrate this kind of love, then it is an amazing start for the child's future.
3) Allow the child to have all their emotions, whatever they may be. Never force a child to suppress their emotions. This does not mean being permissive of negative behaviours. Don't tell a child not to be angry. Don't tell them to cheer up when they are sad. This can lead to depression in later life, as the child no longer knows how to feel. They learn that to get their parent's love they should act and feel a certain way. Validate children's emotions. Having these emotions allows the child to feel connected to themselves. Disconnection = depression.
4) Keep children off devices. Don't give a one-year-old an iPad or cellphone no matter how tempting it may be for that quiet moment. Minimise screens in the house. Try not be on screens and phones in front of the children (this will be a hard one for many, as let's face it, most of us have an addiction here, even if we're not ready to face that one yet) it will make them feel like the phone is more important than them. Giving a child a device has been proven to interfere with the child's neural circuit. This has been shown in brain scans. The longer you can keep children of devices the better. This one is becoming increasingly difficult when wherever you look in society other children are on screens, including in a lot of schools.
5) Encourage children to play outside or take part in creative play. Spontaneous play in nature is important to stay connected with the world around them. It's ok for children to get bored and whinge. This is when the creative brain kicks in. Sure, spend time playing with children, but it is also ok to leave them to it and see what they decide to do with themselves.
I see these as goals to strive for. They are not necessarily easy to achieve but we can definitely become more mindful around our children and try.
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